M5 v Ashbourne - Home
was Footfault, Mays - back from losing election. (Allegedly) Bob 'hi de hi'
Bridges ... good pairing those 2, luckily for us no ladies were playing on the
night so we had FFP full concentration which helped them to 3 wins.
Easy game lobbing tennis ... 2nd Pair of Big Guns, Gillespie and Eyhhhh Caranza "do you lika my sandwiches with cucumber."... these 2 under performed due to Caranza going fishing, catching his balls in the net and his indecision to call balls out, much to the annoyance of Big John ... so they took 2 games which helps when they are the 3rd pairing. And finally Strings and Rear Admiral of the Fleet, who by the way was our leader on the night, which was quite apt with that name. Our nominalTed team Kapitan was missing as usual (bit like last year). Kapitan Statto thought it more fun to be running around in his Mclaren Robin Reliant in Orange...as you may have guessed it is because Stattos Jet2 orange sponsored tennis attire matches his car.
we strolled the last pairing 9-2 9-2 9-7..Fleety wanted me to mention this so
you all know how good he is????????. But I think it worth
mentioning that he had a Kyrigos attack late in the last set at 4-7. He had a
moment. It took me a little time to entice him off the tennis hut with a
banana and all was calm ... which an Admiral needs for him to get a great
victory ... 8-1.
M5 v Lakeside - Home
are the strongest team in the league, they are holding up all the teams above
them, losing heavily so far this season. Kapitan Statto (nominateTed) was not
leading us again so Rear Admiral Fleet took over ... think the team won 9-0 ... not
much to report, not sure who played ... but I can tell you I was at a wonderful
bbq at the Edges on a glorious evening of steak and chicken meals ... plenty of
wine and fine conversation with Freddie and Edie Green ... sunny sunset really made
the evening. Anyway, M5 have now won 2 matches ... mid table stuff this.
know where Kapitan D'Orange Tango'd Statto is, or if he even exists?
M5 v. Ripley - Men's 5th Column
Home again for the 3rd time ... guess we don't travel well.
a note about the previous match, certain players have been found to be buying
out of date Battenberg cake just because of the pretty coloured centres ... I
would like to bring it to your attention that it should not contain furry blue
now have a cake war. Murray decided to bring a small carrot cake ... but not to
be out done, Caranza came along with one that needed 2 of us to carry upstairs
... it did contain cucumber though, must be an Argentinian thing.
the match looked a tough one. We finally had Kapitan Statto back, although we
all had to listen to his "driving around the Yorkshire dales all morning
and then forgot we should start the match at 2:30". Luckily, his Mclaren
Robin Reliant can do 58 mph so he made it. More good news was that Pete Ward
had managed to 'OBTAIN' some orange rail track overalls to match his RR (Robin
on... Statto and EyyyhhhCaranza set about the Ripley medium-ranked pairing and
took a right stale pastry in the eye ... defeat ... unheard of in this squad ...
what were you doing? 'took it to tie break twice', said Statto.
and Murray bumbled thru against the weakest pair, think Murray was thinking
about Caranzas cake.
now Ex Admiral Rear of the Fleet and I had a real humdinger. Fleety Kyrigos
moment came back at 4-7 again ... everyone was ducking and swerving as rackets
bags and balls rattled around the courts. Fleety was fishing ... hitting so
many shots in the net, even the trawler captains from Grimsby came to see
his catch (pictures supplied) ... anyway, I calmed him down ... AGAIN and
managed to bring him down safely from the central light column ...we won 9-7.
up ... Surely our Kapitan D 'Orange might win a match ... not a chance ... more
tie break losses and bad Caranza line calls. Rear Admiral said he never won any
last year. Statto was stomping about with us lot barracking him ... 2-2.
match. Murray and Footfault should beat Ripley no. 1 pair ... not a chance ...
Murray went fishing. Footfault was leaning on the fence talking to the ladies
on court 2 ... guess what we lost 2-3.
the hour cometh the Rear Admiral ... eventually getting some shots in over the
net ... against their 3rd pair. Anyway, I was thankful. Fleety told me he
hadn't lost his serve ... mainly thanks to my volleys. 3-3.
to play for. Surely Statto could for once forget about his car ... he had put
cones around both car spaces on each side of it. Anyway, they won ... Murray
and Footfault won easily and we hammered Ripley no. 1 pair after a couple of
dodgy calling from both sides. Fleety winning all his service games. 6-3 great
victory ...3 from 3, even without Bob hi de hi and Big bad John. What a squad! Mabbs
had been dropped because of the Battenberggate scandal ... maybe use him again
...probably not. Finally a very hot and flustered Marilyn Monroe look-a-like
pushed her way our of Caranza’s CAKE.
M5 v RR away 5ths Column
cloud filled sky the intrepid 5ths converged on Rolls Royce tennis club -
a fine array of vehicles from vice Admiral fleets boy racer to the big Jags of
Bob redcoat Bridges, the Mabbs Audio (Italian Audi), Murray big black something
with a cheap badge and, of course, Statto our leader’s Robin Mclaren -
when we travel, we travel in style. That is why I was picked up and not allowed
there in my white van.
covers the squad; well, nearly - super subs Jack and Jon turned
up in case Statto was late.
sets looked a little bit tricky. Mabbs and Murray had a tight match but came
through with an excellent victory ... funny thing was Mabbs was playing in his
work clothes ... oh well ... not to be out done Murray wore his Underarmour
1-0 - Statto watched on with hands
on hips (male version of Jen Thomas) whilst the extremely blushed face of Bob
glowed in the dark ... running around like a mad March hare (well very little
in his case). 2 men against 1 so we lost - 1-1.
Rear Admiral (vice) took up the challenge and won all his service games -
as usual - and we beat their 1st pair 9-7 -
good game, good game - 2-1.
looked better than the score shows so we toughened up ... well 4 of us did. We
romped home 9-1 against M&M's 1st pair - they only won 9-7. So you
can see where this is going - 3-1.
We strolled around the
RR factory for an hour till the others finished, got back to see Statto’s hands
had now moved from his hip to be holding his head ... in frustration ... lost
again. Bob was pretty upset because he
was wearing his new Butlin’s sports top ... colours that I would have thought
Statto would wear.
3-2 ... M & M next ... come on you old codgers, brilliant,
some really good dodgy calling got them through - 4-2.
seemed to be going to plan ... except that doesn't make a good story ... you
lot bored of this yarn yet?
M &M blew it wide open ... losing after making a fantastic comeback from
7- something to 7-7… weary and confused that they were still in it, they
capitulated ... must be because of all the travelling to R R -
Statto was still static … Bob was running around him scraping the ball back ...looked
like Indians riding around a turned over wagon train. Meanwhile V R A Fleet and
I were 7-0 up - home and dry, but oh nooo! Fleety
lost his serve ... the heavens darkened the birds stopped singing and trouble ...
all of a sudden it's 7-6. At this point we did not know Our Kapitan was winning
too, made him a little dizzy but maybe that was because he kept watching Bob
circling him. We won 9-6 another Squad win. Bob Stattin won too -
6-3 and that is 4 wins in 4. M &M won 2 sets, Statto and Bob won 1, but … here
it comes ... we won all 3. Thanks for lift Fleety and all the beer I could
home game next and it is a massive, massive match ... to see who wins Master
Chef Cake off ... forget the tennis. Murray is hoping small and classy cakes
can outdo Roberto’s full fat cream, jam and Siberian cucumber cake in a 3 metre
circular cake tin.
Mabbs shot off early from pub to muster from the out of date
supermarket cages a mixture of poor quality dry cake of varying colours. Rub
those hands together and grab a taste ... or we give it the bar staff.
the next thrilling adventure.
this a little over the top compared with
played CURC, we won 5-4 - well done!" Come on
teams liven up the reports!
Mixed 3 v. Lakeside
of the table clash, both teams having won all 4 of their previous matches but
with Lakeside having a greater win to loss ratio.
was rather chilled even though it was a gorgeous sunny day.
found little conversation with the opposition or fun...which is a pity when so
many teams have been great to play against this season.
up had Murray 'fisherman' Tait hitting what can only be described as a mortar
looping pigeon missile serve which travelled from one end of the court into the
greenhouse of no 37 Ecclesbourne lane ... luckily the door was open and no
insurance claim was made, even though 6 cucumbers were damaged. (Roberto
Caranza supplier, so he was very upset).
Smith partnered Murray so are known has M&M's (Mags is the hard crusty
shell and Murray the soft centred one, sweet) ranked no1 pair. They started
well with an expected loss against L/S no 2 pair ????. It was a very tightly fought
match but no cookies.
Wardy and Linda Harrison showed how well they pair up and
played well together to break down the opposition’s no. 3 pair, easy victory. Looked
a great set though.
and Stringer up next ... torrid time for us two against a pleasant lady and Dr
Fiend. Blimey he could serve hard … scorching aces past us like missiles … we
were in deep trouble, Michelle steadied the ship and we started to get back
into the match. Dr F had a couple of Kyrigos moments (thought it was rear
Admiral Fleet in disguise so he could get extra games in); well, we called a
serve out which was contested in a very poor manner ... then he double faulted,
7-6 to us and the chap conceded the game because we cheated.
Whoops 2-1 to Mx3 ... things
didn't get any better. The soft centred Murray leapt skywards for a smash on
court 4 and wellied another looping pigeon missile into Ecclesbourne Brook ... bye
bye new ball ... anyway somebody can now buy 2 balls in a Babolat tin for 86
M & M beat the strong
pairing from Lakeside and Michelle and I beat their 3rd pair, although we still
had trouble keeping the score ... being unsettled by Mr Fiendish attitude. Linda
and Peter steadied the team by winning a very important set, keeping the pressure
off all of us to reach 4-2.
last 3 sets came our way for a brilliant 7-2 victory.
We really needed to win
our last two matches to become champions so more hard fun work to be done. It
is a good strong squad and deserves promotion for getting through some tough
games, although our Captain did a bunk just in case we lost this one. Is she
was taken, but no conversation from the opposition, apart from Maggie’s friend
from Lakeside. Washed up and then Murray Linda and I enjoyed a beer with the match
fee money - yummy!